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Professor I.M. Gestopftmitscheist

Prof. I.M. Gestopfmitscheist was born and reared in Schplittenotendorf am Oede, the neighboring village to the city of Badd Lippstadt, Germany. He attended high school at the Gymnasium ad Nauseum von Schplittenotendorf and then graduated Magna Cum Disgracium from the Hochschule fur Musik und Bierbrauen von Badd Lippstadt where he studied with the great Professor Otto Fisch. He also knew Oscar Franz, Franz Strauss and Georg Kopprasch as they always stayed at his house when touring as the Professor's mother, Helga Swartzherzschlutt Gestopftmitscheist was "very friendly" (if you know what I mean) to them and many other famous horn players.  Soon after graduation, he was appointed to the position of assistant 4th/principal 8th horn/principal 4th Wagner Tuba at the Stadtsoper und Philharmoniker und Kammerorchester von Badd Lippstadt when a careless Personalleiter Sekretarin mistakenly sent the acceptance letter to him and not to the audition winner. The Professor then served there for 24 years until he was immediately fired after the first rehearsal in which he had to play since budget cuts at the outset of his tenure forced the programming to never have more than 7 horns until then. In the aftermath of WWII, he was arrested by the occupying American forces and charged with musical pornography when General George Patton heard him playing his right-handed-E-flat-Wagner-Tuba on the streets for change. Luckily, the same young American officer, who had been a mellophonist in high school, who snuck the cyanide to Hermann Goering in prison, befriended the Professor and sprung him. He then made his way to NY City where he lived underground and is credited in some circles to having founded the Beatnik Movement of the late 40's and early 50's due to his love of abstract poetry, cheap booze and bongo drumming. When the statute of limitations on his charges ran out, he then came out of hiding and settled in in Exit 2, New Jersey, where he operated a teaching studio and micro-brewery at Margie's Truck Stop, Motel and Showers. He was a well-known freelance so-called Artist performing as Solo Horn of the Exit 2 Brass Quintet, The Broken Winds WW Quintet, and as Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers until his retirement due to bad knees. He now lives in Bad Corner, New Hampshire where he continues to play with the Bad Corner brASS Quintet, is Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call him for bookings) of the Smirnoff Horn Quartet, is Hornist as Needed with L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes, is Principal Natural Horn of I Soloisti di Feces and is Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn with the Camarata Vongoleforte.

The Professor is famous for his unique contributions to KBHC and the horn world in general. One of his greatest achievements was the development of the double belled horn, which he designed to fix what he calls "The Mellophone Problem." By adding a valve connected to a bell facing forward, the performer can play the same instrument year round even if the have to march (and also threaten to death any conductor one might encounter in a concert band or symphony orchestra who says the horns are too loud). This bell forward design has also led to what the Professor calls "Sonic Schießkunst" or "Sonic Marksmanship" which gives new meaning the words "hunting horn." The Professor is also known for having brought the natural horn into the 20th and now, 21st centuries with his performances of the works of Gliere, Hindemith and Gordon Jacob at KBHC. He is also the world's leading performer on the right-handed-E-flat Wagner tuba performing Mozart's Konzert für das Waldtuben which he discovered all by himself. He is THE world's only recognized authority in the science of Clamology, which he discovered by accident during his first horn lesson at age 2, and he lectured/demonstrated this brilliantly at IHS 40 in Denver in 2009. The Professor's latest project will take him again to the IHS Symposium in Memphis in August where he is appearing as a Guest So-Called Artist. He has written the libreto for a chamber opera entitled Der Kopprasch den Klambalungen: ein Musikdrama mit vier Unnatürlichen Akten: Das Klamgold, Die Klamküre, Klamfried und Klammerdämmerung, the music being composed by his lifetime friend and partner in crime, Lamargene Gumbuddy. He also founded the universal, intergalactic, unrelenting, daily HOLIDAY for all horn players: CLAMSAA.

The Professor is an expert in what he calls “Home Petroleum Studies and now owns and operates the World's Largest Valve Oil Factory in Bad Corner. His products are for sale at KBHC and through Lawson Horns and all proceeds go the KBHC Scholarship Fund.

A lifelong educator, the Professor was Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control at Exit 2 Community College. He is now Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies at Northern New Hampshire Para-technical Institute in Bad Corner.

 

Professor I.M. Gestopftmitscheist

Reprobate in Residence

Broken Winds WW Quintet

Smirnoff Horn Quartet

Bad Corner brASS Quintet

KBHC: 1995 - 2017